Chapter 90: Thoughts

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“Oh, by the way, I heard what you were curious about this morning.”

“…….”

If she brings up a different story in such a hurry, I should be willing to listen it out.
I looked as curious as I could.

“What story?”

“After staying here last night as I was coming out of the guest room this morning,I met a maid that I’ve worked with when I was serving the Leopolds!”

“Really? It must have been nice..”

“Yes! I didn’t know that the face I knew would be here.
So we talked about various things.”

I was listening to her with a quiet nod.
I thought that’s why she came to wake me up a little late this morning.

“I got to hear the details of the accident you heard the other day in the hallway of the annex.”

“The accident story……?”

“Wasn’t it Mr.
Miller? The name you mentioned to the scholarship student who was on an errand.”

“……Ah.”

I was awkward for a moment.
Because I didn’t want to hear any more of the story.

One curious thing is that Sandra’s expression is very bright.
There was even a strange sense of pride in her eyes.  It was a face that felt a little different for a person who wanted to talk about Toby’s accident.

However, Sandra suddenly opened her mouth, as I was calmly waiting for her story.

“You said that Mr.
Miller, a scholarship student, fell out of a third-floor window trying to stop the drunk man, right? But it looks like he was wrapped around a drunkard as he fell.
However, Mr.
Miller was the only one who was fatally wounded.”

“…….”

Tobias is also the son of a pastor, but anyone who has ever met him will admit it.
What a good and gentle man he is.

However, even if his actions give rise to a touching story, it was still uncomfortable to talk about it with a smiling face.

“…… Sandra, I told you he was my friend.
He lost legs and his dream.
I don’t think it’s something to laugh about.”

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“Oh…….”

Sandra then replied with a visibly embarrassed face.
To the point the dimples around her mouth were about to explode.

“Well, I’m sorry if I offended you, miss.
I didn’t mean to say that.
Actually, here’s what I was going to say.….”

“…….”

“That…… Mr.
Miller was so hurt that he had to quit the job, but it seems that the young master helped him.”

“Help?”

What does this mean? For me, who knows how much Sandra’s faith in Alan Leopold is, it was something that made me frown.
He’s even a man of great talent for seducing people regardless of their intentions.

“It’s the young master who helped with Mr.
Miller’s treatment! Master Alan is his employer, but no employer does that to an employee who has been in an accident during  holiday or through his own mishap.”

“…….”

“And as a consolation, he even gave him a generous severance pay.
So that he can go back to his hometown and live comfortably.
Even though it wasn’t in the contract.”

Sandra added with a face that couldn’t be more proud.

“He’s really a model for Noblesse Oblige! You know how much he has been working on charity and the relief of the poor since he was in the kingdom, don’t you?”

“Well…….”

I don’t know.
I can’t answer that.
Because it’s your young master who said that a businessman thinks about everything in the world with a deal.
Wouldn’t Alan’s profit from the deal be this public opinion?

I don’t mean to blame him for his good deeds, but…….

“But the story must be a secret, how does the maid know it?”

“I heard she’s dating a scholarship student.”

 “……Oh, really?”

That’s such a sloppy secret.
Of course, Sandra thought of me and told me this, but I couldn’t hide my bitter smile.

If this story is true, I should respectfully apologize for lashing out at innocent Alan for saying he is nothing short of a murderer.
Indeed, Alan is not behind the accident, if he has just done the good deed….
haa.

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If so, I have nothing to say even if my apology gets refused.
Such rudeness would be unforgivable to me at least.
Nevertheless, I’m carefree due to the suspicion that everything was Alan’s schemes.

However, I could not deny that I wanted what she said to be true.

“Sandra.”

“Yes, lady.”

“Thank you for telling me the secret story.”

I’m already used to living as nothing to Alan Leopold.
Naturally, it was more difficult for me to hate him than to be hated by him.

“Ayo what are you saying? Feel free to order anything else.”

“Well, you know…….”

In fact, more than anyone else, I desperately wanted to believe in him.
I wanted perfect persuasion.

“Can I ask you one thing?”

“What kind of favour?”

“I want you to mail my letter, since you can go outside.”

“Oh…….”

Sandra looked perplexed straight away.
It is natural.
Alan, who didn’t even reveal my name to the servants, would have told them not to help me escape or help me mail my letters.

But there was still a chance.

“I’m not asking you to send it to my family in Florin.
I want to send it to Toby.”

“You mean Mr.
Miller?”

“Yes.
I won’t write anything else.
Just help me check the facts.”

I was earnestly desperate.
And I believe that truth always works.

“I haven’t been able to contact him since I heard about the accident.
I’m worried about Toby, but I’m sure he’s the same.
I’m not going to talk about this place at all except that I’m fine.….
Yes?”

“…….”

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“Sandra, you said you wanted me to trust Alan.
I want to trust him too.”

“……When are you going to write the letter?”

As expected, Sandra couldn’t refuse my request.
She was confident of Alan Leopold’s innocence and wanted me to recognize him.

“I’ll write it right away, so can you hurry out of the mansion before sunset today? Even if the ship comes up tomorrow, it will take quite a while to get to the kingdom.”

“Do you know Mr.
Miller’s address?”

“Yes, it’s the New Ditch in the Sourne kingdom.”

I did not know that the day would come when I would feel grateful for my weak habit of dwelling on past memories whenever my reality was overwhelming.
As I packed my bags for the Principality, I put the faded letters instead of putting more practical things like clothes and hats in that old little bag.

I never took them out again because I thought I would cry as soon as I saw them, but they were always in my bag.
Among them was a letter from Toby when I had a severe fever—accompanied by a palm-sized picture of Lake New Ditch—had the address of Millar Street on the outside of the letter

“Oh Sandra, write down your address on the outside.
So that I can get his reply there.”

“No problem, miss.
So tonight’s dinner…….”

“I can go alone.
You don’t have to worry about that.”

Smiling slightly at her, I rolled my hair up and fastened it tightly.
My exposed back of my neck was cold.
I immediately grabbed the pen and added,

“Sandra,be careful about leaving  quietly.
There’s a lot of eyes here, so don’t get caught up in the nonsense.”

“Yes, lady.”

With that answer, Sandra looked down again on the embroidery frame and started to embroider while I began to write a letter.
It was a long letter.

[Dear Tobias]

* * *

I was deeply relieved to hear that Sandra had mailed the letter safely.
Of course, nothing changed immediately because it would take quite a while for the letter to arrive at Sourne and for his reply to reach Lunoa here.

Alan Leopold has not returned to the mansion since that day.
It would be natural to be busy with work, and just like how he left for Hwa Empire, I don’t know where he left again.

Maybe he hates me so much that he doesn’t want to come back.
It wouldn’t be hard to get a villa, and there would be a bunch of women who could lull him to sleep.

“……I can’t write.”

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For the time being, I decided to focus on completing the novel, but the pen wouldn’t move.
Today, I wrote only one sentence after a few hours.
Sadly.

My head, which often fell into daydreaming, was always dizzy.
Lately, I’ve been sitting idly and not even pretending to write, partly because Mr.
Maurice, who will monitor me, hasn’t appeared for weeks.

But I didn’t really want Mr.
Maurice to come back soon.
Rather, I…… I thought of Alan.
He’s the inspiration and source of all my writings, so I don’t think I can write my novel if he’s not in the mansion.

It was somehow frightening to admit that I wanted to see him.
But my manuscript is already…….

[She missed Troy]

“Let’s quit today.”

I put down my pen.
I was thinking of clearing my head while reading a book.

Among the books brought from the main library, there were quite a few books that I had not read yet.
Nevertheless, I reached for the familiar book as if possessed.

I wanted to read it again even though I had already read the ending.
I thought that this book might be the best way to understand how I feel right now.

While reading about a few dozen pages like that, the hand that was turning over the pages suddenly stopped.

[You were so far away like the moon and the stars]

……..It was a phrase that seemed to have imprinted in my mind exactly as it was.
It must have been a part I had already read in the past, but as if I was seeing it for the first time, a strange shock flooded in me.

Soon I forgot to breathe.
Only my busy eyes were seeing the words.

[I struggled like a hungry ghost, drawing your warmth.
Even in a breeze, even in a drop of rain, I fumbled with my clumsy hands to find your trace, and stumbled several times.

On an exceptionally deep night, my waiting was lit like a candle, and on a cold night, my waiting was wrapped around like a blanket and I barely fell asleep……….]

“……I see.”

To forcefully deny a fact requires more mental strength than one might think.
I suddenly realized how exhausted my mind was.
I wanted to be free.

Wouldn’t it be easier if I admit it? There are already countless nights when I’ve managed to fall asleep covering my heart waiting for him.

And tonight will be the same…….