If I Can’t Be Your Wife

Despite the positive diagnosis of the physician, pharmacist and priest, Alexis had to rest for a few more days.
It was because although the poison and his injuries were completely cured, he had been lying in critical condition for a long time.

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He had to stay in the bedroom as a patient even though his body was in better shape than ever before, so Alexis, who was always busy and had an active life, felt cramped.

 

So Kathleen spent every day in his bedroom.

 

“Did you sleep well? How are you feeling today?”

 

When she opened the bedroom door and asked, Alexis raised one of his arms, made a hand gesture and whispered.
He didn’t want to wake Luci.

 

“Very good.”

 

He looked perfectly comfortable and satisfied.
Luci also had a pleased smile while sleeping next to him.
Last night, Luci insisted on sleeping with his dad so she had to leave him behind, and he seemed to have slept well.

 

Kathleen asked, carefully holding her child.

 

“Wasn’t it uncomfortable? Luci has a bad sleeping habit these days.”

 

“It’s fine.
He’s just being a child.
It’s no big deal.”

 

He stood up and said.

 

“He took the last dose of medicine Edith prescribed before going to bed last night.
I’ve been observing him and there were no side effects.
You don’t have to worry about Luci anymore.”

 

“Yes.
Joseph took care of him, and Dr.
Cavel is seeing him once a day, so he will be fine.”

 

For some reason it felt like he was more worried about Luci than she was, so Kathleen went into detail to reassure him.

 

Moments later, the nanny arrived and picked Luci up.
Kathleen was waiting by the window preparing tea while he changed clothes.

 

As she smelled the fragrant tea in the cup, she involuntarily turned her head and her eyes were met with Alexis’ back, unrobed.
There were traces of cuts and scars on his wide back.
He must have suffered from pain for a long time on the battlefield as they were not erased even when divine powers were used on him.

 

Alexis’ sternum and ribs, as he turned around and buttoned his shirt on, also had traces of the healed wounds.

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

Alexis, noticing Kathleen’s expression, quickly approached her and asked.

 

“You look like you’re going to cry.
Did something happen last night?”

 

“No.”

 

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“Then why?”

 

The happy smile disappeared in an instant, leaving only impatience.
Alexis didn’t even care about the tea, and kept his gaze fixed on her.

 

“I feel sorry for you.”

 

It broke her heart to think that he, who had been alone since childhood, had gone through all sorts of hardships to survive.

 

‘I wish I’d known sooner…….’

 

After leaving for the battlefield, the only thing that had been constant for him was death, so it must have been even more lonely.
He just didn’t know it because of the poison.

 

When he mistakenly thought she was about to die by jumping out of the window, he spoke as if he was lost.
He told her not to leave him alone.

 

Those words weighed heavily on her heart.

 

“It’s okay as long as you’re next to me.”

 

Alexis spoke firmly and pulled her into an embrace.

 

“I won’t make the same mistake again in the future.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kathleen returned his embrace, trying to swallow her words.
She wasn’t there for him when he was lonely, and she wasn’t going to let that happen anymore.

 

“Let’s have tea.”

 

Alexis smiled, took her hand, and walked towards the window.
These days, he liked to spend the mornings chatting with her as they shared a hot cup of tea before eating breakfast.

 

As they talked and drank tea, Kathleen said.

 

“Oh right.
I’ll go to the garden for a while before breakfast.
Eat with Luci first.”

 

“Why in the garden?”

 

Alexis inquired.
He thought that they would go down to the dining room together after tea, but her destination had changed.

 

“I’m going to bring some flowers.
Alsdorf planted a lot of new seedlings.”

 

“Let Emily do it.”

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“It’s because I want to arrange it myself.”

 

It was not a big deal, and it wasn’t like she was going far, but a feeling of anxiety slowly brewed in his head.
However he couldn’t show it straight away, so he had no choice but to nod his head.

 

“Then I’ll be back.”

 

After the nanny was done washing Luci and changing his clothes, Kathleen headed to the garden.
Alexis then received the child and held him but his nerves were focused on her the whole time.
They eventually went down to the dining room but he kept glancing at the door the whole time.

 

“Dad?”

 

Unlike last night, Luci asked, noticing his subtly dry attitude towards him.
Then Alexis turned to his son.

 

“Luci, do you want to go find mom?”

 

“Where is Mom?”

 

“In the garden.”

 

He carried Luci and headed for the garden before the child could answer.
Then he ran into Kathleen, who was walking with beautiful white and yellow flowers in her hand.

 

“Alec? Where are you going?”

 

Her pale blue eyes became round.
Before he could respond, Luci intervened.

 

“Dad asked to go find my mom!”

 

Kathleen blinked her eyes, trying to understand the situation.
She had told him in advance where she was going, and she hadn’t been there for very long, but he was already chasing after her.

 

“I was afraid the food would get cold.”

 

Alexis said belatedly.
It was too awkward that anyone who heard it would be able to tell that it was an excuse.
The childish anxiety in his golden eyes did not seem like it would go away any time soon.

 

She promised to be with him, and she’d been with him since he woke up, but was still afraid of her going somewhere.

 

But she did not feel restrained as she used to, and was free.

 

They would spend the whole day together, and then go back to their own bedrooms at night, and Alexis would sneak back after a while to see if she was sleeping well.
It may also be due to anxiety.

 

“I’ve been to the greenhouse.”

 

Kathleen said in a warm voice.

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“All the magic stones are gone.”

 

“……Yes.”

 

“Everything that was nearby was gone.”

 

“It’s been a while since I had them cleaned up.”

 

Even the way he answered while hugging Luci, showed his worried expression.

 

He must have felt pressured by the way he was secretly watching her behind her back.
But now he had fully repented and she knew that he loved her, so she was not as scared as she used to be.
He just needed time.

 

She smiled and grabbed Alexis’ arm.

 

“Thank you.
For trusting me.
Shall we go have breakfast now?”

 

At those words, his expression changed to one of relief.

 

The comfortable daily life of decorating the table with the flowers she brought, having a simple breakfast, and talking with her family was close to the happiness she had dreamed of.
However in order to maintain this happiness, she had to finish things first.

 

“Alec, I have something to tell you.”

 

Therefore, after Kathleen first sent Luci back after their meal, she carefully raised the topic.

 

“Actually, I knew you were on the battlefield and I asked my uncle for support.
His Majesty was under suspicion, and it was impossible to move his troops.”

 

“Yes.
I know.”

 

“I told my uncle that I was going to get herbs, and I came to Meyer secretly.
In the end, my uncle granted my request, but I’m sure it must have hurt him terribly.”

 

Kathleen briefly described her mother’s story and how the people of the House of Usmund, the Winter Fairies, felt for the Empire.
How big a sense of loss it must have been for Cassiel for her to overturn her decision to live under a new name in Carmine.

 

“So, I want to visit my uncle in person and tell him that I have decided to stay by your side.
With Luci.”

 

Alexis’ face hardened when Kathleen said that she was going back to Carmine.
His hand holding a glass trembled slightly.

 

It was already hard for him to be away from her for a while in the same house, but when she said that she would go back to the place she had gone to after death, his mind would no doubt be complicated.

 

“I will definitely get permission from my uncle.
Even if it takes a little while.”

 

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Kathleen said confidently.
Cassiel was as important to her as Alexis or Luci.
After convincing him and making him understand, Kathleen wanted Cassiel to be on good terms with Alexis too.

 

Alexis, who was listening to her, quietly nodded his head as if he had decided something.

 

“I understand.
Then I’ll…….”

 

As he was about to say something.

 

“Your Highness, I’m sorry for the interruption.
The imperial palace sent someone in haste.”

 

Alsdorf hurriedly opened the door of the dining room and entered.

 

“The Imperial Palace?”

 

“Yes.
His Majesty has issued an Imperial Decree.”

 

Alexis and Kathleen’s eyes met.
The rebellion was well over, but the suspicion about the emperor’s gender remained open.
If that caused another problem, it would be a big deal.

 

They stood up from their seats at the same time.

 

“Your Highness, an Imperial Decree has arrived.
You must receive it right away.”

 

Viscount Rylent looked impatient and had brought with him two scrolls bearing the Emperor’s seal.
Alexis opened one of them with urgent motions.
He frowned as soon as he read the very first line.

 

“What is this? An arranged marriage?”

 

Everyone, including Kathleen, was surprised by the unexpected remark.
Alexis threw the imperial decree at Viscount Rylent as if there was nothing more to read.

 

“Read it and deal with it.”

 

“Pardon? Oh, yes.”

 

It was a felony to hand over the documents issued by the emperor to a lieutenant without directly reading them.
Viscount Rylent was also well aware of that fact, but he was compelled to accept the imperial decree because he knew it would be even worse if that person read it himself.

 

“Alec, there must be some misunderstanding.
Just listen.”

 

Kathleen grabbed Alexis’ hand as he was about to leave the dining room and sat him down.
She beckoned Viscount Rylent to read.

 

The Viscount’s face brightened for a moment as he cleared his throat and looked at the text with a worried expression.
He read the contents of the decree over and over again.

 

“The Grand Duke of Walten, the collateral of the imperial family, the highest nobleman and unparalleled loyalist of the Empire, was wounded and the seat next to him was vacated.
The former Grand Duchess, Kathleen Winston, has died, therefore the Grand Duchy will welcome Kathleen Usmund of the North as the new Grand Duchess, and swear fealty to the Imperial Family and the Empire.”