If I Can’t Be Your Wife

Chapter 12

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“Pregnant.
There’s no way…”

 

Peter’s words reminded her of the night three months ago, but she tried to erase it.
A normal person would say that there was a chance, but she was an exception.

 

“You haven’t even seen your doctor yet, but you’re already denying it.
Please sit down.
I’ll go and call someone.”

 

“No.
I don’t want to make a fuss over nothing.”

 

Kathleen grabbed the hem of his sleeve and sat him back down.

 

“We’ll be leaving for the Temple in a little while, but if we call the doctor right now, it will trouble a lot of people.”

 

“You may now have a successor to the Duchy, isn’t this important?”

 

“The Temple charity event is more important to me, my lord.”

 

Kathleen said firmly, hiding her bitterness.

 

“I can’t explain it in detail… but it must be a different illness.
If this is revealed before I attend the charity event, words would reach the Imperial Palace, which will make it more difficult to deal with.”

 

“It seems that Mother’s hand has also reached the Duke’s doctor.”

 

Peter quickly understood.

 

“I understand.
If Mother finds out, it’ll be a mess.”

 

As soon as he finished speaking, they were informed that the carriage was ready.
Kathleen took a sip of the tea and stood up.

 

“Let’s go.”

 

Peter escorted her.
But, as if he didn’t believe her words that she wasn’t pregnant, a smile hung around his lips the whole time.

 

Kathleen, who had been nervous throughout the event because of his appearance, was finally confronted with a situation she did not like after the official ceremony was over.

 

“Sister-in-Law, I have someone you need to meet for a while.”

 

After a brief rest in the break room, Peter opened the door and came in.

 

“You can’t trust your doctor, so I brought someone from the Temple.”

 

“Your Highness.
I told you, you didn’t have to…”

 

“Even if I am wrong, you should still see a doctor.
Nausea can be a sign of a serious illness.”

 

Kathleen finally admitted defeat.
Peter, seeing that Kathleen had given up, quickly opened the door that had been closed and brought the person who had been waiting, inside.

 

He was a priest with a cheerful aura and light-green hair.

 

“Hello, Madame.
I heard that you needed an examination.”

 

The charity event was held under the ideology that all are equal under God and that their status was not supposed to be revealed.
Of course, if he were a high-ranking priest or a veteran priest, he would have known her identity.
That didn’t seem to be the case with this person.

 

‘If you became a priest because you have healing powers, you must have been a commoner.’

 

Kathleen thought as she watched the young priest take out the items necessary for the examination.

 

Even if a serious illness was discovered, it was fortunate that, like the priest who diagnosed her infertility when she was 15, it would not be difficult to shut this man’s mouth if he was given money.

 

“Do you feel uncomfortable anywhere?”

 

Peter interrupted.

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“Let’s confirm if the Madame is with child..”

 

Kathleen corrected him.

 

“I can’t sleep well and my body seems to suffer from high fever these days, so please check if I’m ill because of some food I ate.”

 

The priest nodded his head even though he was embarrassed.
White light poured out as he placed one hand on Kathleen’s forehead.

 

After a while,

 

“Congratulations.
You are pregnant.”

 

The priest congratulated her with an excited voice.

 

“Is that really true?”

 

Kathleen doubted her ears.

 

‘That can’t be… how?’

 

Count Winston had shown her to different doctors several times for the purpose of preparing for her engagement.
He had also spent a considerable amount of money to summon priests.
Winter fairies like her mother who had daughters, were also confirmed to have been infertile.
So she had never had doubts about it.

 

“It is undeniably true.
The Madame is carrying a child.
Perhaps around three months now?”

[T/N: Nooo I don’t believe you! (┛ಠ_ಠ)┛彡┻━┻ ]

 

The priest, who did not know who they were, looked alternately at Kathleen and Peter, who had turned white.

 

“The Madame seems to be very surprised, so your husband must take care of you well.
He’s quite young… Well, no, he’s a young person, but you’re going to be a father soon, so take good care of her.”

 

“I am not her husband.”

 

Peter corrected the facts like a knife, but he had a happy face.

 

“Sister-in-Law.
Congratulations.
Brother will be very happy once he finds out.
Let’s hurry up and go back… Sister-in-Law?”

 

“Your Highness.”

 

With a pitiful face, Kathleen earnestly grabbed Peter.

 

“Help.”

 

He should never find out.

 

‘He will never let me have this child.’

 

Her husband said that she was the perfect match for him as his wife because she was infertile.
She was even the one who declared that she could not have children, as if it was  medicine for the Empress who was hung up on the succession of the Imperial Family.

 

But if he finds out that she was with child…

 

“What? What do you mean?”

 

Peter asked, bewildered.

 

“Please help me.
The Duke must not know this.”

 

She couldn’t bring herself to speak of the fact that the child might not be born into the world.

 

‘I’m going to protect you.’

 

As Kathleen held back her tears, she made a firm resolve.

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No matter what happens, she will surely save this child.

 

***

 

His original name was Alec.
It was the name his mother had given him.

 

However no one even called him by his name properly.

 

“Oh, you b*stard.
You didn’t eat it again.”

 

“If you don’t eat, I’m going to lose.”

 

The guards giggled and kicked the old bowl and poured dishwater on Alec.
He pushed himself into a corner as far as he could, but it was of no use.
Dirty water poured down to his ankles that were exposed through his shortened trousers.

 

‘A little bit more.
Just a little bit longer.’

 

As the sun went down, the dungeon under the Empress’ Palace was loosely monitored.
This was because the guards used to leave work earlier than the set working hours.
As he was born and raised there, they didn’t seem to think that the child would escape.

 

Indeed it was like that.
Alec thought he’d be fine living in that damp, cold dungeon.
Until his mother disappeared.

 

‘Mom’s not dead.
She wouldn’t leave me.’

 

Alec was left alone after the guards took his mother who became ill with a fever.
The six-year-old boy, afraid of the pitch dark night, begged them to return his mother, but all they responded to him was nothing but ridicule.

 

– Your mother is dead.

-You will rot here for the rest of your life.

 

Alec knew he had a father, but he didn’t exactly know what it meant when they said he was the Emperor.

 

‘My father can find mom.’

 

The little boy believed so.

 

As soon as the sun went down, like always, the guards got up slowly.

 

“Oh, I’m tired of being stuck here all the time without seeing the sunlight, I’m sick of this.”

 

“Who isn’t? Let’s go quickly.”

 

They complained and threw down their spears and went up the stairs.
They did not see Alec approach the iron bars and reach out his hand.

 

Alec picked up a spear that had been thrown by the guards.
It was heavy, but he squeezed out all the strength he had been saving and brought it inside, shoved it into the ring of the rusty lock, then pushed it with as much power as he could.
The guards had no intention of properly monitoring the prisoners, so they did not take good care of the prison equipment.
They locked the door loosely when they dragged his mother out, so Alec was able to break the lock’s hook in no time.

 

“Done!”

 

The lock fell to the stone floor with a dull thud and shattered.
Alec ran out of the prison with joy.

 

-If you leave the Empress’ Palace and go North, you will see His Majesty the Emperor.

 

His mother used to say that all the time.
Maybe she just didn’t know it, but she was probably already there.
Alec forgot his hungry stomach and sprinted out of the basement.

 

The first outdoor air he had ever tasted was very different from what he had imagined.
Unlike the prison floor, Alec gently walked along with a dark shadow, feeling awkward at the sensation of the grass beneath his feet.

 

‘Is the North over there?’

 

Although his mother had taught him, as it was much brighter than the prison, it was difficult to determine the direction outside.
Eventually Alec wandered and lost his way.

 

“Where should I go…”

 

Tears welled up.
As he wiped the corners of his eyes on the dirty cuffs of his shirt, he bumped into someone.

 

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“Ah!”

 

“What is this filthy b*stard doing?”

 

At the same time, a sharp voice flew in.
Alec withdrew for a moment and fled into a corner.

 

“Isn’t it a beggar?”

 

“Nonsense.
How could there be a vagrant kid in the Empress’ Palace?”

 

Everyone frowned and whispered away.
Alec felt ashamed and felt like trash.

 

“Isn’t it possible that he jumped inside while the palace gates were open for the Count to come in? Or could he have hung under their carriage?”

 

“Anyway, I’ll be in trouble if the handmaiden finds out.
What if someone sees him like that? Let’s get him out quickly.”

 

“Hey, you come over here.”

 

They beckoned to him, but Alec shook his head and didn’t move.
He needed to find his mother, so he had to go to his father.
He shouldn’t get kicked out.

 

“Why aren’t you coming? You.
Go and get him.”

 

“No.
He stinks.”

 

‘So there are times the dishwater helps.’ Alec thought.
He wanted them to immediately stop paying attention to him and disappear.

 

“I will go.”

 

Then someone came forward.
She was a pale-faced woman with big eyes that had a deep blue glow.

 

“What if the Count sees you?”

 

“They said the audience would take a while.
I’ll send that child to Tyler.
Maids, you can go first.”

 

“Well then, please do.”

 

The maids disappeared with relieved faces as if a rotting tooth had been pulled out.

 

The woman approached slowly and made eye contact with Alec.
Her coarse brown hair flowed down her shoulders.

 

“What is your name?”

 

Jewel-like eyes faced Alec.
He replied like he was possessed.

 

“……Alec.”

 

“That’s a cool name.”

 

“My mom gave it to me.”

 

“Yes, Alec.
If you come out like this, your mom will be worried.
Shouldn’t you go back?”

 

Alec felt emotional.
Her voice was so sweet that it brought tears to his eyes.

 

“I don’t want to go back to a place without my mother by myself.
I’d rather die too.”

 

“Die? What do you mean?”

 

“Mom suddenly disappeared.
I asked the men who took my mom and they said she was dead, so I’m going to find my father and ask for help.
Mom said I could meet my father if I went North……”

 

In the end, Alec cried.

 

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She looked confused and didn’t know what to do.

 

“Don’t cry, Alec.”

 

A white, hesitant hand wiped the tears on his cheeks.

 

“I’ll help you.
Come with me.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yes.
Didn’t you say you’re going to find your father?”

 

She must have known Alec was dirty, but she reached out her hand with an unconcerned look.

 

“I am from the North.
I don’t know where your father is, but if he’s from the North, I’ll be able to find him.”

 

“Really? Are you really going to help me?”

 

When the person who was pretty and smelled like an angel spoke, he felt relieved as if he would truly see his father soon.

 

“Yes.
So, let’s not say that in the future.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“You said you were going to die.
You shouldn’t say things like that thoughtlessly.”

 

“But without my mom, I don’t want to live either.”

 

“Alec.”

 

She spoke quietly in a soft but firm tone.

 

“Mothers wouldn’t want that.
They hope that their children, who are more precious to them than anything in the world, will live courageously and happily than anyone else.”

 

“How do you know that?”

 

“You know, I’m going to be a mother too.”

 

She smiled quietly.
She had beautiful blue eyes like jewels.

 

“So let’s think about it this way.
If you don’t want your mother to be sad, you have to live a long life.”

 

“But…….”

 

“Or, Alec, you can be friends with this child.
Stay alive until you get to know each other and take care of each other.
What do you think?”

 

She looked down at her own belly.
He didn’t notice because she was wearing a big dress, but when he looked at her, her stomach seemed a little full.

 

‘Friend…….’

 

His heart fluttered at the sudden words that seemed like a gift.
Alec nodded his head.

 

Just when he happily took her hand.

 

“You……!”

 

With a tearing scream, a woman who Alec thought was the scariest woman in the world appeared before him.

 

“How did this kid get here?”

 

It was the Empress.