If I Can’t Be Your Wife

Isabella fought to get out of his grasp, but it was useless.
Alexis said, looking down at the daughter of Count Winston who had no resemblance to Kathleen.

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“Go ahead and remove her.
I didn’t like her tied to something like the Winston family anyway.”

 

They were from a distant time and past.
Alexis knew nothing of Kathleen Winston before she was fifteen.

 

There was little news about the Winston Estate, which was close to the northern border.
The information he had gathered about her before marriage was extremely superficial.
She was listed as a legitimate child in their family tree, but it was a known fact that she was an illegitimate child and that her mother was a Northern immigrant.

 

He simply thought that she fled to the capital because she was fed up with life in the North.
That she didn’t want to be compared to the real Countess’ daughter, Isabella, and that she would rather be the duke’s maid and was then chosen to be the empress’ spy.

 

However, he recently sent someone back to the Winston Estate to find information detailing what Isabella Winston had done to her along with her parents.
Alexis was then able to guess what kind of life she had lived in the shadows without him.

 

“There’s no reason to refuse and go down on your own.
From now on, Winston won’t have to deal with the North or Meyer.”

 

When he loosened and removed his hand, Isabella plopped down and coughed heavily.
Her coachman ran to her anxiously and lifted her up.
The reddened eyes looking up at him were full of resentment as she fumbled with hand gestures on her neck.

 

“Really, won’t you regret it? What if your wife becomes the Count’s illegitimate child?”

“Nothing will change.
I am also the Emperor’s illegitimate child.”

 

Alexis threw Isabella’s visitor certificate at her with an indifferent face.

 

“Is there anyone who doesn’t know that?”

 

It was an act of arrogance, saying that the status of being the Margrave’s illegitimate daughter did not matter at all.
Isabella trembled at his insult as she picked up and crumpled the certificate that had fallen below her skirt.

 

An illegitimate child recognized by the emperor.
A man who bled on the battlefield and eventually achieved the highest rank of nobility in the empire.

 

To him, perhaps from the beginning, the count’s status was as insignificant as the gravel his feet stepped on.

 

“You will not be seeing my wife’s face so I’ll let you go now.
Stop wandering around here and disappear.”

 

Alexis said, who looked at the staggering Isabella like an insect.

 

“If you do this one more time, be prepared to give up your neck instead of a political seat.
You and your father.”

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Alexis turned around without hesitation.
Isabella saw the iron gate, as strong and high as a fortress, open and close right before her eyes.

 

A luxurious and comfortable space that she had never been to before.
There, a woman would spend time engulfed in splendor and riches.

 

“Kathleen Winston.”

 

Isabella recalled the enemy-like name as her teeth chewed on her red lip.
They shouldn’t have let that lowly, dirty blood have it all.
They shouldn’t have let her go from the very start…….

 

It was not enough for her to snatch the highest ranking nobleman of Trivellian; she bore him his successor.
Thinking that the future she would walk on would be softer than silk, she longed to suffocate her to death.

 

‘Do you think I’ll leave you just like that?’

 

Count Winston’s legitimate daughter was herself.
Isabella had no intention of walking a rough and hard road obediently.

 

Fortunately, she had a last choice left.
It wasn’t a very good hand, but it was good enough, and above all, it was worthwhile as it would properly give Kathleen Winston an example.

 

“Let’s go to Count Hopewell.”

 

She gave strength to her unstable legs and climbed into her carriage.

 

***

 

Kathleen had a clear memory of the day she fell in love with her husband.

 

The abruptly decided marriage was not very romantic.
Even more so because the conditions for giving and receiving were clear.

 

“Kelly… No, Madame.
The master said he will be late today.”

 

Emily, whose position changed a few days ago and became her maid, spoke a little awkwardly.

 

“You’d better go to bed first.”

 

Kathleen looked out the window and glanced at her.
The sun was already setting.

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It had been a month since they got married.
There were many people who did not like the wedding that was held like frying beans over lightning*.
This was the case not only with the Imperial family but also for other high-ranking nobles and servants inside the Duke’s residence.

[T/N: Too fast]

 

“Let’s pretend you’re asleep before the nanny calls.”

 

Emily murmured, lowering her voice so that she could not be heard by other servants passing by outside.
The nanny, who had the biggest objection to their marriage and actually pretended to be the hostess of the mansion, was desperate to catch even the smallest mistake of Kathleen.
Even though she did not express it outwardly, there were many servants who sympathized with the nanny.

 

Kathleen was not very afraid of the nanny or the empress.
They wouldn’t do much harm as she had already become a member of the Walten family, and she didn’t have to meet them face to face every day.
It was manageable.

 

However, the servants were different.

When she was a kitchen maid, even if they weren’t close, most of them smiled and greeted each other.
Sometimes, late at night, they would share flat beer or a baked potato that had gone cold and talk about trivial things.
When their work ended early and there was free time, they helped each other with their chores, introduced themselves, and took a walk in the garden and stayed friendly.

 

But when she became a duchess one morning, their gazes became cold.
The familiar faces of those she met while passing through the hallways bowed their heads and didn’t even want to make eye contact.
When she felt awkward and moved away, they chattered amongst themselves.

 

The chef, the gardener, the kitchen and laundry maids.

Even though they weren’t very close, it was strange that those she had shared a sense of companionship with for six years had changed in just one month.
Even when Kathleen told them to act comfortably, they kept their mouths shut and pretended not to hear.

 

Emily, who quickly became the duchess’ maid from a laundry maid, was in a similar situation.
Still, Emily could hear why the servants’ attitudes had changed because Emily had been close to the other laundry maids.

 

—They think Madame used them.
They said that you cheated and deceived them so that the count’s daughter could marry Master.

 

When she discovered the reason for their hostility, she was relieved.

 

It was true.
She was at fault.

 

It was true that she deceived her colleagues.
She lied from the beginning and said that she was a commoner, and got a lot of help from them while doing unfamiliar work.
So it was only right.
As Kathleen struggled to overcome her disillusionment, she comforted herself that in time she would be able to reconnect with them.

 

But, apart from that, she couldn’t shake off the feeling of being alone in the big mansion.
All the more so because even her friend, Emily, now drew a line and tried to keep a respectful distance.

 

“Then have a nice dream, Madame.”

 

After Emily arranged her bed, she closed the door and left.
Kathleen lay alone on the large bed, trying to fall asleep.

 

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But as the hours passed, her mind only cleared up and she couldn’t sleep, and she tossed and turned over and over again, she finally got up and sat by the window.

 

It was a pitch-black night.

 

‘It’s the end of the year.’

 

A chill wrapped around her body as she felt like she was left alone in the world.

 

As she covered herself with a thin feather blanket, she suddenly wondered what her husband was doing.
As the Duke of Walten and the eldest son of the emperor, he had many duties.
His job was to assist the Crown Prince as he was young, but he was actually in charge of most of the work.

 

‘Then he may not come today.’

 

It was quiet as if everyone in the mansion was asleep.
Kathleen pondered for a moment before she plucked up the courage to walk out of the bedroom wrapped with a blanket.

 

When she was a maid, she was free to do what she was in charge of.
But now, she could not relax even for a moment, as with every step she took, all eyes were on her.
She had never taken a sip of water, or a walk, with her own will.

 

For Kathleen, the darkness on the eve of the new year was a golden opportunity.

 

She carefully went down the stairs.
It was dark, but she didn’t think there would be any problems going out for a short walk in the garden.
As she carefully and quietly walked, she reached the entrance to the main building and pushed the heavy door slightly.

 

‘Huh?’

 

Under the stone steps, right in front of the door, she saw someone leaning against it.
It was dark so she couldn’t see well, but it looked like a man.

 

For a moment she wondered if he was an intruder but thought that the duke’s security could not have been so lax.
Besides, if they were an assassin, there was no reason to sit down in front of the front door.

 

She came out through the crack in the door and took a closer look.
The man’s body collapsed sideways.

 

‘If you fall like that, your forehead will break.’

 

Thinking that he might be a gardener who couldn’t handle alcohol, she unconsciously ran out and grabbed the man’s shoulder.

 

“It’s okay…….”

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The man’s face was the most unfamiliar one Kathleen had ever seen in the mansion.

 

Alexis Walten.

Her husband.

 

Kathleen was embarrassed for suddenly holding his shoulders.

 

“Hey….”

 

She called in a low voice but she didn’t hear an answer.

 

“Duke?”

 

His closed eyes showed no signs of opening. ‘Did he really fall asleep like this?’ Kathleen, who was waving her hand in front of him, noticed that his forehead was wet.

 

“My word.
You have a fever.”

 

His forehead was as hot as a fireball.
She was afraid that he might have gotten sick from overwork.
She thought for a moment, then decided that she had to take him inside for now.

 

“Duke, wake up for a second.”

 

His eyelids trembled as she shook his body and wiped his forehead with the hem of her sleeve.
Suddenly, their gazes met in the air.

 

The golden eyes, engulfed in unexplained heat, stared intently at the stunned light blue eyes.
Then he reached out and covered one of her cheeks.

 

At the unexpected touch, words got caught in her throat and couldn’t come out.
She reminded herself that there was nothing to be worried about.
Even at their wedding, she held his hand to recite her vows, but it was not of much help.

 

“Duke?”

 

She didn’t dare strike his hand away, so she grabbed his other shoulder.

 

Tuk.

 

The hand that covered her cheek fell and his body completely lost consciousness.