If I Can’t Be Your Wife

“Ah…….”

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The hand that grabbed her wrist as she looked down reflexively had strength.
She couldn’t help but get emotional and teary.
She slowly looked behind her.

 

The golden eyes of Alexis, whom she had longed to see, were directed right at her.

 

“Is this… a dream…….”

 

Alexis muttered in a cracked voice.
He swept her figure with his eyes, as if he didn’t want to miss even the slightest bit, still in disbelief.

 

“It must be a dream…….
Or maybe.”

 

Hot tears ran down his cheeks.
Kathleen answered with trembling lips.

 

“It’s not a dream.”

 

Alexis’ eyelids blinked slowly.
His reaction was so still that she wondered if he heard and understood her voice properly.

 

“You’re not dead.”

 

Kathleen sobbed involuntarily as she lifted the hand on her wrist and grabbed it with both of her hands.

 

“You’re alive…….”

 

Alexis’ eyes seemed to be looking at her again, but soon skirted away again.
As the strength of her grip on his hand loosened, he closed his eyes again.

 

“Alexis!”

 

She screamed his name and made sure that his heart was beating properly.
Fortunately, his pulse was still running steadily.

 

“Wake up!”

 

But at the thought that he might never wake up again, Kathleen shook his body.
She wanted to wake him up again if he had fallen asleep, and keep him from going to the underworld alone.
But Alexis’ body only moved as he was shaken.

 

Kathleen threw the bedroom door open without knowing what she was thinking.
She wanted someone to confirm that Alexis Walten was indeed alive.

 

‘Don’t leave me…….’

 

Kathleen ran out with eager hope.

 

***

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He thought it was all over.

 

The intended but unexpected death was disconcerting, but he was soon at ease.

 

It didn’t take long for the heat from his heart to turn into a familiar pain the moment the arrow hit.
General Ulrich of the South must have laced the arrow with poison.

 

‘This turned out well.’

 

If the attack had been normal, someone could have saved him.
But, if there was poison, that could make his existing illness worse and result in his perfect death.

 

He could feel his mind gradually blur as he fell into darkness. 

 

So it ends like this.
If I just wait a little longer, I will arrive in the afterlife.
There’s no guarantee that it would be heaven, but I hope it wouldn’t be hell.
Many lives have been lost, so I have to pay the price for those crimes, but Kathleen will surely not be there.

 

If there was a reason that he accepted death, it was because he hoped to see Kathleen again.
It was good to see her even from afar, but he also wanted to meet her and ask for her forgiveness.
He was clinging to that one chance in the next world.

 

So he prayed to God.

 

But his heart started pounding and beating.
The hot blood circulated, then quickly cooled and froze.
A tingling sensation coursed through his veins and spread to every corner of his body.
He felt his blood warming up again.
His whole body swarmed with strange sensations that he had never experienced before.

 

‘What happened?’

 

His clouded mind came to life again.
He couldn’t move his body, but his thoughts were free.

 

It was familiar yet unfamiliar.
He realized when he thought about when this had ever happened.
It must have been like this when he first set foot in the Carmine Mountains, during the avalanche when he lost consciousness and was buried in the snow.

 

He thought of her even then, and at some point in his mind, he came to his senses.
As he contemplated whether she was the empress’ spy or not, he opened his eyes and found himself in her arms.

 

How nice would it be if that were the case again?

 

Alexis thought, even though he knew it was a futile hope.
Still, he wanted to give it a try.
Alexis opened his eyes with all his might.

 

Then a bright vision opened up.
It was a familiar sight.
It was the Grand Duke’s residence in Meyer, inside his bedroom.

 

As he realized that he was lying down staring at the ceiling, he could feel the heat and cold that had been coming and going over and over again in his body disappear. 

 

He didn’t feel any pain when he was hit by the arrow, but his mind started to blur with a heavy feeling as if something was pressing down on him.

 

Alexis grabbed onto his last string of hope and turned his head.
Wishing to find her at the end of his gaze.

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And there she really was.

 

His wife, who had dazzlingly beautiful silver hair and bright blue eyes.

 

He was terrified that the way she turned around looking as if she had never seen him would disappear like a mirage.
Alexis reached out his hand and grabbed hers.
As if surprised, her face looking at him was so beautiful that it was so stirring.

 

He was so happy that he thought it might be the last grace God is giving him.

 

“Is this…… a dream…….”

 

If it was indeed a god who gave him such a dream as a gift, he felt guilty to a point that he felt bad being petty and resentful.

 

Kathleen didn’t look at him with resentment nor did she shake his hand or run away.

 

“It must be a dream…….
Or maybe.”

 

It was bittersweet.
If he hadn’t doubted or treated Kathleen coldly, their relationship wouldn’t have ended in death.

 

“It’s not a dream.
You’re not dead.”

 

The words he wanted to hear thousands or tens of thousands of times echoed in his ears, but his confused mind blurred the line between reality and dreams.

 

“Alexis!”

 

His vision flickered.

 

How much time has passed?

 

Alexis slowly opened his eyes.
Looking around with a much clearer mind, he was still in the Grand Duke’s bedroom.
He got up from his bed, sat down, and found a vial lying on the side table.

 

“This…….”

 

The vial was half filled with a bluish, opaque white liquid.
It was medicine made from ice flowers.

 

The moment he recognized it, he burst into laughter.

 

‘How foolish.
What did I expect?’

 

There was no way to restore his condition in the first place without the ice flower.

Why did he think she had saved him like back then?

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‘Edith must have made what Viscount Rylent managed to get.’

 

Unlike the previous time he drank the medicine, his body was a lot lighter, but when he confirmed that Kathleen wasn’t there, Alexis got up with a heavy heart.

 

He had to see how things went.
He had to find out what happened to the soldiers he led when they went down South, whether the rebels had been wiped out, and what Peter was doing.
And the first thing to check on before any of those was Luci.
The child between him and her.

 

He became impatient when he thought of his son.
Alexis hurried his steps and pushed the bedroom door open.

 

Then he froze.

 

Round, light blue eyes that were wide open were looking up at him.
Her silver hair, neatly gathered to one side and tied with a ribbon, glistened in the sunlight.

 

“Are you awake?”

 

“…….”

 

“How is your body? Are you okay?”

 

With a worried voice, urgent hands ran over his shoulders and chest.
A gentle touch examined his wound but it felt as if he had been struck by lightning.

 

“Grand Duke?”

 

Standing d*mbfounded, holding the door, Kathleen curiously called him.
Alexis couldn’t open his closed mouth.

 

He feared that the moment he spoke, reality would shatter like the broken mirror that had changed Luci’s face.

 

“You don’t have a fever.”

 

Kathleen tiptoed to reach his forehead and said anxiously.

 

“Come here.”

 

It was a touch as light as the spring breeze, but Alexis was carried away so easily.
She put him back on the bed and poured him a glass of cold water.
Alexis emptied the cup like an obedient child.

 

“……Strange.”

 

Her fine brows furrowed slightly, and this time Kathleen poured out a glass of warm water.
Like before, Alexis emptied it at once.

 

“They said the medicine worked well so there shouldn’t be a problem.
Does it hurt anywhere?”

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“…….”

 

“Alec?”

 

The moment her pink lips called out his name, Alexis couldn’t stand it any longer.
He didn’t want to lose the chance even if it was a dream.
He wrapped his arms around Kathleen’s waist and pulled her in.
Her frail body was dragged along at once.

 

“Oh.
Suddenly what is this…… Eup.”

 

As soon as he sat her on his lap, he grabbed her chin and kissed her lips.
At the unexpected action, she was surprised as he invaded the slightly gaping gap, grabbing her tongue at once and entwining it.

 

Before she knew it, her arms were wrapped around Alexis’ neck.
As their breaths mingled back and forth, the heat gradually diminished.
Alexis was then convinced.

 

His wife in front of him was not a dream.
It was a true existing reality.

 

“Kathleen.”

 

Parting lips and stroking her cheek with a trembling hand, Alexis pronounced his wife’s name.

 

“Is it really you?”

 

“……Yes.”

 

From a distance close enough to feel each other’s breaths, Kathleen said clearly.

Her cheeks were as red as apples and her eyes clear as the autumn sky.
Alexis continued to touch her face in disbelief.

 

“How are you…….”

 

“It’s not a dream.”

 

Kathleen grabbed his hand and lowered it forcefully.
Alexis’ eyes lit up at the voice telling him that the wish he had so longed for was a reality.
He gave Kathleen a crushing embrace.

 

“Don’t go now.
Don’t go anywhere, stay here.”

 

His throat was choked up and he couldn’t say anything more.
Alexis Walten repeated the words not to leave, as if he had returned to six-year-old Alec.

 

“I’m not leaving.
I’ll be by your side.”

 

Kathleen hugged him in response, and wiped away the tears on Alexis’ cheeks.

 

She gladly accepted the lips that came closer again.
He wasn’t as impatient this time as he was just now.
As if trying to engrave themselves on each other, a careful, deep kiss continued.