Nothing I Can Do

Summer. A season every kid looks forward to. Whether its hanging out with friends or going on vacation with family. Yes, its what every kid looks forward to….if only that were true.

I sigh as I close the book: How to Win Friends and Influence People. A book my Father would have wanted me to read. I stare at the fancy title for a moment. How I long to go out and hang out with friends or maybe go on vacation. But I don have either of those things.

I get up slowly and carefully so as to not hurt my already sore ankle. I pause to think back at that moment when I tripped and had to climb up those stairs and the struggle to breathe as the pain grew. I squeeze my eyes shut. My aching ankle reminding me of the pain. I breathed out a shaky breath as I pushed that memory to the back of my head.

I hobble my way to one of the many bookcases to put away this book that I think is pretty much useless. I run my eyes on all the other books that are stack neatly on their shelves. All of them about how to run businesses. Ill be inheriting a business one day. The thought of that makes my heart twitch in pain and longing. Oh, how my heart longs for freedom.

I hobble out of the study to quickly and quietly go back to my room. I didn want to get caught outside of the study by my Father. I carefully crept my way to my door and I had just made to it. But just as I was about to reach for the doorknob I heard a sharp and cold voice behind me.

”What do you think you
e doing? ”

I turned around to come face to face to my Father. I stared at him. His serious but unforgiving dark eyes stared back at me as he waited for me to answer him. Many people whove seen us together would comment how much we look alike. I hate how much its true. Our dark hair and our dark eyes. Even the way we express ourselves is similar. I hate how much I long to see that look he used to give me. The one that was full of love. Back to the time where he actually treated me like his daughter.

”Well? ” His voice darkening.

I gathered up as much courage as I could.

”Im going to my room. ” I said through gritted teeth. I look down so u don have to look at those unfeeling eyes anymore.

He didn say anything for a moment or two letting the silence stretch for a bit.

”Alright, ” He said. I look up at him hoping to see that look once more. But I see nothing. He turns away from me and walks away. Why do I always fool myself into thinking that hell love me again? I don deserve love.

I give out a bitter sigh and turn back to my door. I go in, avoiding to look at the covered up mirror that is in the corner of my room. Too many happy memories that only led to a bitter end.

I collapse on my bed exhausted. Im so tired of everything, I thought. I look up at the ceiling with a daze. Maybe it was because I was tired or maybe it was because of the interaction I had with my Father in the hallway but I started thinking of that girl. The way her hair glinted in sunlight and the way she smiled at me… it was so… genuine. But why? Why me? Im sure there are plenty of other girls that would love her attention. So…where does that leave me? Do I even want her around? I curl up on my side hugging a pillow to my chest.

Im not the most interesting person… shell probably just leave once she gets bored. Yeah, thats it. Shell just leave once she gets bored of me. I closed my eyes as another wave of exhaustion sweeps over me. Even as I quickly went to slumber I still thought of that beautiful girl and how her smile made me feel.