The Girls Who Traumatized Me Keep Glancing at Me, but Alas, It’s Too Late (WN)

ittle social interaction between neighbors.”(Yuki)

“That is hard to believe.
Didn’t you talk about smooth communication before? (Misaki)

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” (Yuki)

“I’ll get some soba noodles.” (Misaki)

“Okay.” (Yuki)

　I had a weakness for older women.

“Oh, who is it?” (Mother)

　Later that day, after surviving a dangerous Saturday, our doorbell rang around 7:00 P.M.
Today was Sunday and Mom was home.
She was dressed in a loose cut shirt and leggings, which was too much for my eyes.
All I could do was look away.
I was afraid of my sister looking my way for some reason, so I shut out my thoughts.
Yes, once again, her beauty is outstanding.
I wonder if she’s concerned about her weight?

“I’ll open it.” (Yuki)

　It was Himiyama-san who came to see me.
I hadn’t seen her for a day, and I immediately started to sweat.

“Good evening, Yukito-kun.” (Misaki)

“It’s been only one day, Himiyama-san.” (Yuki)

　You see, the distance between us has been shortened without even realising.
When did we become such close friends? It’s a typical pattern of doom.

“Who is that, Yukito ……,? (Mother)

“This is Himiyama-san, who just moved in next to us.”(Yuki)

“Oh, really?”(Mother)

　My mom will take care of it.
Thank God.
I wanted to get out of here, but the circumstances of my acquaintance forced me to stay there.
I don’t know why Himiyama-san won’t let go of my hand.
Why did you grab my hand?

“I hope we can be good neighbours.” (Misaki)

“Yeah same.
If you have any problems, please come visit us anytime.”(Mother)

“Thank you very much.
See you later, Yukito-kun.” (Misaki)

“Yes, you too, Himiyama-san.”(Yuki)

　She softly pats me on the head.

“Oh, I’m sorry.
You’ re so cute that I treated you like a kid.
I’m sorry, that was rude.
(Misaki)

“Oh.
I’ve never had anyone do this to me, you’re just like my mother.
Sorry, that’s rude.”(Yuki)

“Oh, really? I’m kind of happy to hear that.
I’ll see you later.” (Misaki)

“Okay, good night.”(Yuki)

　Himiyama-san is leaving.
I somehow managed to survive.
Even though they are neighbours, they probably don’t see each other that often.
That’s a relief.

I didn’t realize that this one act would cause a big disturbance later on.

[Mother’s POV]

“Haaaa…….” (Mother)

　A big sigh spilled out of me.
I went out onto the balcony to cool my head.
The cool air caressed my cheeks comfortably.
Raindrops dripped from the sky, soaking the area.
Misaki Himiyama.
She had a soft personality and was easy to talk to.
She must be a good person herself.
We are the same age and we may have some kind of interaction in the future.
However, it was something else that was making my heart as dark and cloudy as tonight’s sky.

“I envy you …….” (Mother)

　Envy.
Longing.
Desire.

　It’s a complicated mix of emotions.

　The last exchange they had… They looked like they had a happy mother-son relationship.
This is what I would like to be like.
I can’t imagine how happy I would be if I could treat him like that.
If we could have a pleasant conversation like that, I’m sure I would know more about my son than I do now.

　I can’t even do that anymore.
The relationship between mother and son is so awkward and bland that I can only think about it now. I couldn’t improve it, I didn’t know how to do it, and it kept weighing me down.
I was supposed to take pictures of my children with the camera that I bought, capture the moment of their growth, and film them together.
Now the camera is covered in dust.
When was the last time we went out together? Just the three of us, mother, son and daughter.
I couldn’t even protect the bond between the three of us.

　I couldn’t get the words that Yukito had said.”I’ve never had anyone do this to me,” and, “You’re just like my mother.” What am I, then? I chuckle to myself.
I wonder if I even can call myself a mother.
I wondered when the last time was when I pampered my son, but no matter how much I tried to remember, it was useless.
He has never been pampered.

　I didn’t look at him, didn’t ask him anything, didn’t let him say anything.
Because of how foolishly I behaved towards him in the past, it made him act the way he does towards me now.
The next thing I knew, this had become the norm, and I no longer needed anything from my son.
What I saw in his eyes was resignation.
He expected nothing, asked for nothing, and gave up on everything.
It was my own fault for making him that way.
When I realized that it was too late, I could say that everything that happened after that, was my fault, that I was the one who caused it.

　And little by little, the relationship breaks down, becomes weak, and grows in the wrong direction.
Without even realizing it, we both got hurt.
What will happen to us if we continue like this? Maybe everything won’t be fine.

　Anxiety took over my heart.
I shook my head.
If I were to face my feelings honestly, my emotions would be uglier and relieved.
I was genuinely jealous as I watched the two of them interact at that moment.
The fear that dwelt in a corner of my mind.

　Was it possible that my son would be stolen?

　I have to admit that I felt that way somewhere.
It can’t be true.
He is definitely my son by blood.
But does that make me a mother if I’m just blood related to him? I had my own doubts.
In fact, I could say that it was the only way to prove it.

　Maybe he doesn’t think of me as his mother.

　Otherwise, would he seriously question the fact that I am his mother? And then continue to explain this theory to me that I found him under a bridge?

　I’m sure he thinks he’s not loved.
That much is certain.
No matter how much I deny it with words, my past attitude will not allow it.
The love that should have been given and enjoyed is missing and insufficient.
His emotions have not been developed and his heart has withered. The result can be seen now.

　I wondered if she, Misaki Himiyama, would be able to give such love to him.
I remembered her eyes; even though I must have met her only once, somehow I felt that her eyes were filled with affection.
Also, she was strangely attached to my son.
I want to do the same, but I can’t do it.

　But if I’m not the one who’s trying to give him affection, then maybe I’m no longer useful to him.

　No, I don’t want that–!

　Why was I working so much? It was for my family.
I don’t want to let it go.
I don’t want to give up as a mother.
A fierce emotion swirled in my heart.
This is a family of only three people.
There was no way I could go on like this with regrets.

　My work has settled down and I no longer need to go to work as often.
I was fortunate enough to be able to switch to working from home, which allowed me to spend significantly more time with my family.
Perhaps this is my last chance.
My last chance to straighten out the relationship I’ve been turning my back on and face it straight on.

　If I missed this opportunity, it would really be too late this time.
I wanted to believe that there was still time.
I could still get it back.
I’m sure we can start over.

　But it was too difficult.

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